Friday, 9 May 2008

Slowly getting there (I think)

Hopefully nobody went away and sank a bottle of vodka after my last posting- sorry for bringing depression to the blogging world but I did feel better (for all of an hour) for having written it all down.
I have been back at work for a couple of days. I think I probably did come back too soon, but just didn't fancy sitting at home and staring at the wall. Some people are tip toeing around as they don't know what to say to me. One of my bosses cannot do enough, he must have made me 50 cups of tea in the last 48 hours, whilst another keeps making jokes and whistling loudly while sticking his bottom lip out and making 'sad' faces at me whenever I meet his eye. I could quite cheerfully punch him, even though I know it's his way of dealing with a hormonal female.
I am starting to think about new jobs now, to keep my brain from thinking of 'other' things. I have had no luck as yet, sadly Sir Alan Sugar has no need for a new 'Francis' to answer his phone, and Gordon Ramsey isn't crying out for a personal masseuse, so for the time being I shall stick to scouring the job pages.
Thankyou so much to everyone who sent such kind messages, both on the blog and to me personally,it means a lot that you have taken the time to do that and I have read them several times over.
The one thing that has really got to me is the people who have avoided me altogether since this has happened. I know it's an awkward situation and no one knows what to say for the best, but even so. I just find it upsetting.
Time to see if I can wangle cup of tea number 51. Perhaps if I stick my bottom lip out and make a sad face, shouldn't be too difficult...


Tracy said...

Hope you got cuppa 51! ;o) Strange at is may seen, cuppa comfort does help. I've been thinking of you such a lot and sending good thoughts your way, that all will be well in time. You are brave to be here at all given all that is happening. So good to see you here though. Be taking good care of yourself and taking each day at a time...and know we are here for you ((BIG HUGS))

Cowboys & Custard said...

Hello Anna..
I think some people don't know how to handle somebody else's grief.. It can make them feel uncomfortable and inadequate.. I was probably one of those people until I had my own share of tragedy and lost both my parents. If nothing else.. grief brings empathy and a sense of belonging..

You have not lost your fabulous sense of humour.. good for you!

With love..

mollycupcakes said...

Well you know the old saying honey, "I'll make a cuppa tea" that's what us brits do best especially men when they don't know what to say or do. Bless him for trying and so funny that he has no idea all you want to do is slap him one for all the sad faces he's pulled lol
Good luck with the job hunting sweetie.
Something good will find you soon.
And everything will fall into place for you and your hubba.
Big hugs. Have a lovely weekend together, lots of hugs, long walks and comfort food. And of course good old tea x

Catherine x

Heidi Ann said...

Hi Anna, I was so encouraged to see another blog from you this morning! This will all take time, but you were sounding a wee bit better I think!?...So happy about that!...Plan to do something fun this weekend...a nice lunch, a good movie, etc. You are in my thoughts....a fellow "blogette"...heidi :)

Vintage Amethyst said...

Hi Hunny Bun
So good to see you with another post.
Hoping work isn't too bad for you, at least people are trying however annoying they can be, it is hard for some people isn't it especially men I think.
Really hope that the job hunting goes well for you, and hope that something great comes along for you.
Hope you and your hubby have a lovely weekend.
Sending you lots of love & hugs
love Alison x

Pinkie Cupcake said...

By the time I leave this message, I'm sure you will be well onto your 60th cup. I hope you are continuing to take care of yourself and don't do too much (apart from drink tea and perhaps the odd slice of cake?!) I found this little poem and immediately thought of you, and another friend whose little baby got their angel wings last week. "Don't be afraid to let me be, although I sleep, I still love thee. And if tomorrow the sun doth shine, See it as love from my heart to thine". The sun has shone a lot this week. (((hugs)))

Janette said...


glad to see you are talking again (says me who hasn't blogged in months). hope you have a good weekend and keep on getting your head together.

take care

dottycookie said...

It's good to see you here again. On the job hunting front, I hope you find some inspiration soon - being fed up in a job is no fun at all when you have to be there for so many hours in the day.

Take care, and if you're ever in the Cambridge direction I'll play you Four Weddings and make you cups of tea till they come out of your ears!

Bro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bro said...

Really proud of you Sis x

Dragonfly said...

Hi Anna
I was so glad to see you back here.
A sense of humour will take you far on this journey of yours.
Doesn't Vinegar Hill have any vacancies? You'd get lots of staff discount...
T x

April said...

Hope you got your cuppa!

Hang in there girl, we're all here for you!

One day at a time...


April xx

Katherines Dream said...

Hi Anna,
You do seem a little better and blogging is probably helping you more than you realise.
If you want that 'job' it is yours!
You really could get a good little business together organising this sort of thing.
Take care, thinking of you loads.
Big hugs,
Carol x

julia said...

Some people do find it really difficult to deal with other's grief, and do the oddest things, I know because I've done it myself. Keeping my fingers crossed for you on the new job front, something will come along I'm sure. Meanwhile, take the tea whilst it's being offered!
Take care, Julia xx

Nicola said...

Does Simon Cowell need a new PA, I wonder....x

Anonymous said...

You sound like an amazing individual... I have never known that kind of loss, but my prayers are with you. My brother and sister-in-law just suffered the same loss, the same day they were given all of the proud parent information, and I can say from experience that it's difficult for the people around you to know what to do and how to act. Let them know what you need, whether it be to talk, hug, laugh, cry, or just pretend it never happened. Time softens memories to make them more bearable, unfortunately, we can't speed up time.

shabby chic said...

Hi Anna,
I hope you are ok?, as ok as ok can be at the moment (hope that makes sense).
Sometimes i dont think everyone knows how to act or what to do in certain situations, and it may be that some people think you just need space and want to be on your own with your family and in that case they do just that. Sometimes things that happen cause you to evaluate friendships etc. You always know who your good friends are. I hope you have had a restfull day whatever you have done today.
Thinking of you x Dom

Hazel Designs said...

I'm thinking of you, Anna...

Ragged Roses said...

Hello Anna, hope you got 51st cup of tea. Other people's discomfort around somebody else's grief is one of the hardest things to deal with. Hopefully things will even out a bit more for you. I hope that you have been looking after each other and taking each day as it comes. You have been very much in my thoughts since I received your email and I wanted dearly to send you another email but didn't want you to feel crowded. It's so good and brave of you to be back blogging again. Thinking of you, take care

driftwood said...

I'd maybe try for a chocolate biscuit with that tea........keep hanging in there!

Dana Jones said...

God Bless you. I am one of those who does not know what to say, but I am reading your blog and sharing this time with you through your words.

wendster said...

Just stopping in to say "hi". Good to see you posting again.
I can just imagine your boss brining you cups of tea. LOL. What must be going through his head? "I go and tell her she'll be redundant by June and BAM this happens?!??! Man I am a jerk." Bet he'll be bringing you tea for some time to come.
Does gardening brighten your spirits? I'd love to see some pictures of your allotment if you are working on that at all. You know ... after you feel physically capable again. I remember I physically ached for a couple of weeks after losing my first two. But then everything snapped back to normal. The machinery was as good as new. And they told me that those two "practice runs" had the benefit of "teaching" my body how to be pregnant. It actually set my body up for success the next time around.
Wait. This is more of that stuff you probably don't want to hear, huh?
...Dang this stupid not knowing what to say!!! lol Just because I went through it doesn't mean I know what to say to help you through it. But I want to. And hopefully you see me TRYing to say something to help it feel better. How about that?
OK. Here's the truth. Nothing anyone says makes it ANY better. Time takes the edge off of the memory and future successful pregnancies take your mind off of it and fill you with joy. It balances it out a bit, and gives you new memories that are "louder" in your head than the old ones.
I wish you peace while you travel the road from point A to point B.
You'll get there and be so happy when you arrive. Joy is waiting for you at the end of the road, sweetie. Hang in there and keep busy. It helps to pass the time and make the journey seem shorter.



Lynn said...

Anna -- you left a lovely comment on my blog today, prompting me to visit your blog for the first time. My heart sank when I read about your loss. And I felt somehow like the world's biggest heel, having just posted baby photos. Oh, my. You were so gracious to comment so kindly about said photos. Please know that I'm sending you many cyber cuppas. And if you decide to go the personal masseuse route, email me for pointers. It's my line of work! >;-D